May 2012
huntersandangels:
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a fucking moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
1 tag
homosaurus-rex:
It’s actually a good thing that the zombie apocalypse starts in Florida because then the zombies only have one way to go and that’s straight up into trigger happy redneck territory. I give it two weeks before monster trucks and mullets save us.
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saya-no-utah:
im that annoying minor character that no one cares about and is given the worst lines in the show
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You know you're British when...
Hot weather: Omg it's boiling i'm overheating so much we must have a hosepipe ban what why no i want to use the hose even though ive never wanted to use it before in my life but now its banned i must use it oh god we're all dehydrating oh god its a heatwave we're going to shrivel up and die omg i'm burnt everyones burning oh fuck freckles everywhere its only going to continue we'll never be cold again there's not enough water oh my god it's hotter than fucking hawaii i wish it was cold weather it's so much better than hot weather
Cold weather: Omg it's freezing old people are all going to die oh fuck we've run out of salt the country is a at a standstill there's too much snow I can't get anywhere we're snowed in we're going to die omg there's ice we're all going to fall over and die fuck off rain it's so annoying oh no my hair i hate rain why is it so cold omg there's so much wind it'd be warm if there wasn't any wind fuck i wish it was hot weather it's so much better than cold weather
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phone: *rings*
me: no
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mrcraabs:
roses are red
violets are blue
sunflowers are yellow
i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts
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me: ugh why am i so lonely
friend: hey do u wanna go out tonight
me: no
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weaseltotheface:
I wonder if I rolled my face across my keyboard I could be a successful author like Stephanie Meyer.
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breadstickfanclub:
The year is 2042. “I was born in the wrong generation” a teenage white girl sighs as she listens to One Direction and cleans the lens on her vintage iPhone 4S.
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using the term ‘yolo’ sarcastically so often that you’re really not sure if you’re joking or not now
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wvnderbar:
instead of learning from my mistakes i like to dwell on them until i have a panic attack
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If the Avengers Initiative was honest
Tony Stark: Let's do a head count.
Tony Stark: There's yours truly, hot sauce with a heart condition.
Tony Stark: There's a green guy who flirts with me.
Tony Stark: A pissy patriot in tights whom Daddy liked best.
Tony Stark: A ginger bitch.
Tony Stark: Katniss Everdeen.
Tony Stark: L'Oreal with a mallet.
Tony Stark: All taking orders from a one-eyed guy with snakes on his plane...
Tony Stark: To go against you, a tall drink of water who's made a deal with the devil and has an unlimited power source.
Tony Stark: Damn.
Tony Stark: I need to talk to some Scotch about this.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once
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chrisevansbooty:
omfg i just opened itunes and SOMEONE DID THIS TO MY 1D PLAYLIST
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Guys, Ten couldn't carry the Olympic torch.
literatigeek:
If he did, Donna would see it on television, recognize him and thus her mind would burn up.
Eleven has realized this and thus he’s now carrying it to save her life.
He’s got it under control.
pricksatmywindow:
im so hungry i could eat a sarah jessica parker
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tamjarts:
i’m british i’m allowed to hate everything
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mastaofravenkroft:
Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song Because The Original Name Took Up Three Printed Pages And I’m Talking Single Spaced With Point Twelve Font So We Changed It is my favorite Fall Out Boy song
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gibbyforpresident:
“my dad didn’t strut”
lets be honest harry, james strutted in the corridors like it was a damn catwalk
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snoopdeer:
my friend lost his mobile the other day so i asked if he wanted me to phone him and he said it was on silent so there was no way of finding it and i said well if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
he didn’t laugh and he didn’t find his phone
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torayot:
modmad:
waffleguppies:
trelela:
doktorengine:
What is eurovision? I’ve heard people talk about it before and I feel really dumb because I have no idea what’s going on??
It’s a stupid song festival in Europe where one band/artist represents each country. It used to be one of the most important events, but now barely anyone cares about it.
EXCUSE ME MADAM
I BELIEVE WE MUST...
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teapayne:
whenever I’m with someone and it gets silent and no one knows what to say I always just say “i’m so tired”
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nekama:
i can’t remember the last time i made a status on facebook
my lurker to involvement ratio is way out of proportion
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“you know my name. not my story. you’ve heard what i’ve done. not what i’ve been through” whispers the 13 year old as she clicks enter for her new facebook status
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TELL ME A LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
